jonas / allstarz

[refractures]

fishes out my dissertation about how these two are so funny in juxtaposition

Comments

[refractures]

... Okay, just because I'm Italian...

[sixam]

What? Oh, no! No, that's not what I meant—wait really?

[refractures]

Yes... but no, I used to work as an advisor and now I'm a leader of a small group that does reporting on supernatural stories.

[ :3c ]

[sixam]

[ :o ]

... supernatural like... ghosts? So you guys go out and find that kind of stuff?

[ he will get back to what just happened here in a second, he is suddenly curious. ]

[refractures]

One of the team members is a writer and the other is an editor. The others do field work. It's a pretty interesting experience.

Though, I wouldn't really say it's anything like those ghost hunting videos online.

[sixam]

I would doubt it. Those shows aren't real. [ he just seems sure of this. ] Ghosts usually find you more than you find them anyway.

[ ... going back a bit. ]

So what were your actual goals with this?

[refractures]

[ Seodore doesn't think so either, but for probably different reasons. ]

Well, what do you think?

[ He seems slightly amused. Did he make the group because he wanted excitement in his life? Did he want to find a ghost? Prove that the supernatural exists for some reason?

But he mostly wants to know what Jonas thinks of this. If this is another mafia answer, he's going to sleep. ]

[sixam]

[ IT'S NOT THE MAFIA. but he does seem to mull over an answer. ]

I think that usually when people purposefully start on a path like that, it's because they have someone or something specific they're trying to connect with again. People who hunt goes for the sake of hunting ghosts never seem that intentional about it.

[refractures]

You think so?

[ This is where he would tilt his head if it didn't really hurt to do it... ]

It's not about connecting, but you're close. I'm just looking for something. The others have different goals, but that's mine.

[sixam]

[ well i'm sure it'll hurt even worse when he DIES, HAKI. ]

Can I ask what it was you were looking for?

[refractures]

[ Maybe he died painlessly you don't know ]

You can, but I won't give you a real answer.

[ So. No. ]

Nothing personal. It's just something I won't tell anyone. The only way anyone will know is if it's pried out of me by external forces.

[sixam]

[ he doesn't seem too bothered by the refusal. likely because he would've been more surprised if seodore actually was honest about it. ]

Fair enough. Everybody has their own secrets and agendas, even if they'll tell you otherwise. I'd hate to see what those external forces are though. [ ... ] We found our ghosts on accident. I'm not even sure they count as ghosts now, but... easier to call them that. Guess that's why I was wondering.

[ looping back though... ]

Connections or not, do you always deflect when someone asks how you are or how they might be able to help you?

[refractures]

So did you have to deal with ghosts wherever you came from?

[ It should ping Seodore, but it doesn't seem extremely relevant to his interests... despite being the leader... of a supernatural findings group.

Anyway. ]

If I want help, I'll ask for it. Why?

[sixam]

Sort of. [ which is about all he says, because he's not offering more than necessary either. ]

Is it so wrong to check and see? Some people are very stubborn about this sort of thing.

[refractures]

It's incredibly burdensome.

[ He sighs. Oog. His fuckin lungs. ]

But that's me, making big fusses about the small things like photos and videos too.

[sixam]

[ sir, your lungs... ]

Big fusses as in you don't like being in them?

[refractures]

I have half a mind to burn them on the spot.

[sixam]

And why is that?

[refractures]

I said my reason, didn't I?

[ A small smile. ]

Just the act of taking a picture is socially accepted as normal, so refusing it or making a big deal about it gets disapproval because I'm refusing something that is easily accepted by others. Because of that, my preferences are easily brushed off and sometimes made to fit the mold, such as editing me inside the photo.

People, things, and values don't need to be understood to be respected.

[sixam]

It's about the autonomy and making your own choice. [ wait. maybe he does kind of get the point. ] Even if you don't explain why you don't want to be in pictures or why you don't want to ask for help, it's the principle of people letting you as a sign of respect and not prying. So it's "burdensome" to have to entertain people trying to help because they're missing the point that you would rather pull yourself back together yourself first and then ask if that seems to be impossible, or until further notice.

... or maybe something like that?

[refractures]

Something like that~

Respect also has to be earned, but I don't try earning it from people I don't really care about.

[ Seo, that's. That's probably the problem. ]

Maybe I should be a comedian with how I'm entertaining people all the time.

[sixam]

I guess there's nothing wrong with that? It's your time, so why waste it on something you might not want to do with people you don't like? [ like. can't relate because he likes people generally, but still. ]

You know if you didn't want my company though you can just say so. I'd get it.

[refractures]

[ Seo laughs a little. His fuckin lungs. It almost sounds like a whistle. ]

Well, Jonas.

[ He smiles. ]

I have nothing but time to waste. I have so much time... would it really be a waste if I had something limitless and squandered it as much as I pleased? Though I don't think of our conversations as a waste. In fact... I enjoy talking to you. So why do you think I don't want your company?

[sixam]

I think only you can decide what is and isn't a waste. I wouldn't call our conversations a waste. I actually like talking to you, too. [ despite. everyone. telling him how annoying they find the man. ]

It's less about thinking you don't and more about giving you the option. I would never force my presence on someone who actually doesn't want it. We'll call it a bit of boundaries. While sometimes a person can enjoy someone's company, circumstances can always change.

[refractures]

[ They are absolutely right for finding Seodore extremely annoying. ]

Yes. I would know that well, actually.

[ He laughs a little, but it sounds emptier than usual. His tone doesn't stay that way though. ]

Sometimes you aren't given the choice, so you'll have to talk to people that you find quite irritating... like me.

[ And his business stuff. ]

Being an adult means you have to do things you don't want to do all the time, unless you're crafty enough to avoid doing it yourself and relegating it to someone else. But as I mentioned before, it doesn't feel like you're a child.