refractures | jonas / allstarz

... yeah? [ this is more questioning himself than seodore. ] She was my best friend. She was the last person I saw before I died. Pretty sure it's the same for her.

[ along with a handful of other things, depending on the timeline. but regardless, best friend is consistent. ]

[ He would have taken that answer, but. ]

... You sound a little doubtful and speak in past tense.

Yeah, probably because it is. [ ... there's a sigh. ] I have no idea if we're even anything right now and honestly I don't even know what to ask to figure it out.

Because she ruined your project and presumably dragged many others down?

[ He thinks about Alex's possible reactions and thinks of her usual apathetic response.

... ]

Yeah, basically that. She says she probably wouldn't have done it if she knew it was me, apparently. [ "probably." ]

I don't think I can really afford being mad at her here when we aren't God and Satan right now, but it also doesn't change that we're not resolving, like, any of that. So. I don't know what we are.

So... she turned heaven into a game? One of these games where you need to "die"? And you think you're not allowed to be mad at her because she's not "Satan" right now? Even though it sounds like she willingly did it and not as an obligation of her title? Even though she played with people like a toy?

[ ... yeah, that about sums it up and he just sort of stares off into space for a second. ]

I've had a few months of being pissed. And I'm still pissed? There's... there's really no forgiving what happened because she hurt a lot of people under my watch and ruined something I was trying to do to not only help other people but also to find her in the first place. But she has a little more clarity right now than she did before, and I don't know how being mad at her when we're both here is going to help. I can fight with her for the rest of eternity, but it's counterproductive here when I also know she won't kill anyone herself right now.

[ mostly because she has no powers, and also because jonas himself is here and acting as her morality leash. ]

So it's less about thinking I can't be mad and more about reprioritizing what I'm mad about.

[ Seodore just stares at Jonas like. Okay. He can understand that, but he's still irrationally angry because that seemed to have poked at one of his fury buttons. He won't yell at Jonas. That's counterproductive. Seodore is doing his best to keep his emotions in check... ]

Apart from being possibly possessed as the murderer of the week?

[ look it is a very confusing time to be jonas right now. he gets it. ]

You mean like Rosamund was? Or Boothill? Or any of us? You and I both know we can't control who is being possessed here. But if that were to happen? Of course I'd be the one to deal with it myself. She's my responsibility.

[ also, he sort of has to live with the idea that given their history alex may very well choose to kill him while possessed and maybe that would be better than a person who hasn't already died. ]

... she hasn't been herself since the island. And Hell made it worse, and I'm trying to figure out what to do. But as long as I'm watching her I can keep her attention. [ and she won't get bored and decide to play a stupid game. ]

... Does she confide in you?

[ Seo's starting to wonder if this is some weird stockholm thing. ]

Not as much these days, but she doesn't have to. I still know her better than anybody else. [ he seems confident about that at least. but... context. ] Comes from countless of time loops, apparently. We were together for all of them.

[ He knows her better than anybody else and yet... Hm. Seodore doesn't like this. ]

So leaving her like this is the best way to handle it right now?

Yes. She'll try to say she's a villain and evil because she believes it and has internalized that, but she's still going to be unhappy that other people say it to her when she's not even doing anything here. Kind of like "well you already think this of me, so maybe I will be evil."

Treating her normally and just kind of talking to her seems to be working. Without our powers she's just... y'know. A normal teenage girl who's stuck like the rest of us and has just as big a chance of being possessed as we do. I know it's not a perfect solution, but I know it works.

[ He really wants to say that she still did all that, so yeah! She's actually pretty evil regardless of influence, but he'll hold his tongue. ]

A personal redemption project, then.

[ He looks a little resigned. ]

[ to which he would say "she's actually just a depressed teenage girl with ghosts living in her brain" but he does not elaborate. ]

... I know some people might think it's stupid to keep trying with her, but I don't want to give up when I know she's still in there. So if the only person she ends up hurting is me, then that's fine.

You do what you want with your life, Jonas.

[ He's not going to police that. Who's he to tell a god what to do. ]

As long as you do something by your will, then it should be done.

... if you have an opinion on it, it's not like I'm gonna say you're wrong. I can only offer my own. But you'll never have to worry about that. If something needs to be done, I'll do it myself.

I do have an opinion! I just choose a time and place to say it.

[ Seodore gets up and pats his head. ]

Your will is strong and that's one reason why I want to be fond of you.

[ see yaaaaa he leaves ]

[ well. okay then! goodbye seo, he's not going to stop him and will just keep that in mind, he supposes. ]

jonas / allstarz

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject