boothill / allstarz

[refractures]

this man gets censored like the david statue in dubai

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[refractures]

[ Seo is quiet for a while after the memory finishes... and lights a cigarette. He takes a deep drag and blows it all out, still silent.

... ]

They sure are merciless about these. Maybe I should try to forcefully stop a memory next time.

[ no he's not okay ]

[shirtbag]

You want a drink? I'm feelin' one right about now.

[refractures]

[ Boothill truly got all these mems and he wants a drink. Honestly, same. Seo seems to ponder on this, and... ultimately, he sighs. ]

Is there absinthe? I'm craving something that will probably destroy me.

[shirtbag]

[ oh seo... boothill waves him towards the food court. ]

They've got everything in there. Let's head over.

[ they're going to the please don't tell speakeasy. they've got absinthe for sure. ]

Do your cigs do anythin' for ya? You said there's somethin' special about 'em?

[refractures]

... It's only the particular kind--Brugmansia. I smoked quite a few of those already, and now I'm sticking to the ones I get in this terrible airport.

[ Despite everything, he has a terrible smoking addiction. ]

It's funny... I told my teammates that I felt like I was going to kill someone if I didn't get more cigarettes anytime soon, and lo and behold...

[ Then he got turned into a murder victim. Yippee!

Onwards to the drinking place!! ]

As you saw in the memory, they reflect anything that comes at me, but I can't control what to reflect or not while I smoke.

[shirtbag]

How'd you get your hands on a cig like that?

[ boothill walks them there, feeds a small and unsaid secret into the open window in the door, and walks them both in. he slips behind the bar counter, lifting and closing countertop hinge, and pulls out an absinthe glass and spoon. ]

Don't want anythin' to eat first?

[ he figures not, but. ]

[refractures]

They simply exist. Though, I would say that the cigarettes are quite unique, they won't work for anyone else.

But no, I'm good without food.

[ let him black the fuck out ]

[shirtbag]

Figured you wouldn't.

[ this one time, he'll let it slide. he gets some sugar cubes and matches. the spoons go on the glasses, the sugar cube in the spoon, and the absinthe over the sugar cube. as he pours: ]

Ya really did try to raise him like he was your kid?

[refractures]

... I tried, despite the mixed feelings I had.

[ Seo is not a good parent, but Hatsutori is special. Perhaps if he had a normal kid that he chose with his husband, he would protect the child with all that he had despite all differences and everything else. ]

Despite... how seeing him reminds me that the fragments exist and how much I hate those for existing. He looked so much like me. I really, really didn't like that.

[shirtbag]

Must've been uncanny for you both. He had an idea that somethin' strange was goin' on right from the start. Can't have been easy.

[ the absinthe is poured. boothill lights a match and lets the sugar cubes burn and melt, their little flames flickering like candlelight until there's nothing left. ]

You don't like lookin' at yourself? Or maybe ya don't like yourself at all.

[refractures]

[ Seo quietly watches the flame flicker out. ]

Oh, no. I actually have quite a bit of self-esteem. I also know that I have enough beauty to attract attention and I'm aware that acting like an annoying clown downplays that attraction too. While, yes, I don't want anyone to be particularly attracted to me, it's a nice advantage to have.

But in terms of liking myself? I like myself enough.

[ Is he depressed though? Oh, yeah. Definitely. ]

People think everything I do is weird. Why do I keep seeking death? Am I sad and just hiding it behind a friendly facade? No. But I do want to leave so that I can meet Ru again... I don't like being in photos or any recording, but if I bail out on a group photo, they'll say all sorts of things about me.

[shirtbag]

[ in goes some water and then he slides the glass over to seo. ]

I figured it was for him. [ to see rumeld. ] Why keep out of photos?

[refractures]

I just don't like being in them. Is that not enough of a reason?

[ He will down it in portions so that he can savor what Boothill made for him at least. ]

[shirtbag]

[ shows my ass after i forgot about that part in his memshare ]

Hatsutori said somethin' about how you don't like leavin' traces of yourself behind. That's it, right?

[refractures]

[ There's only a quite and weak laugh followed by some silence. ]

... We don't have many variants in the place I come from. You're either a human or other animals. I...

[ ... ]

I looked the same for a long time. That's bound to catch attention, isn't it? My appearance is also unique, making me easily identifiable.

[shirtbag]

You don't have other people who know ya? People who're bound to catch on?

[refractures]

People either believe that I'm dead or they need me in some way.

[ Seo sighs and outstretches his arm in a half-shrug. ]

I may look like an airhead, but I was an advisor at some point, you know?

[shirtbag]

Advisor for what, exactly?

[refractures]

What the research institute used to be before it turned into a cult...

[ He sighs sooooo deeply. Man. ]

[shirtbag]

Was that institute meant to help ya finally end it all?

[refractures]

Hm... I figured that if they researched a fragment of mine, it could yield results for me specifically as a byproduct. Haha... I don't like mentioning that part.

[shirtbag]

Y'all hurt any innocent people, 'side from the cult bit?

[refractures]

No... well, not while I was around. It got worse after I "died" in the airplane.

[shirtbag]

Mm, that's what I thought. I ain't gonna blame ya for findin' ways out of your situation. I don't think that's why ya raised him.

[refractures]

Emotions... are pretty complicated.

[ Ha. He laughs a little. ]